New baby!

Well ok not really a new baby - but plenty of sleepless nights - Sarah says it's like having a new baby. Either I'm up to pee (because my bladder is still bruised), or for the last couple of nights, because there's a tethered hot air balloon on my stomach threatening to cast the duvet on the floor. It's so damn difficult getting the diet right to keep my front bottom happy. The slightest grain of bran or nicely cooked slice of carrot and your stomach contents are through the stoma and sloshing around in the bag before you can say two bob bits. This causes extreme tiredness - nothing gets absorbed. At the other extreme, a few peanuts or a slice of raw vegetable ... see Obstruction at RUH. Back to last night - quite a few things seem to cause wind: a baked bean, all sorts of vegetables, Guinness??? [I still can't stomach my favourite tipples - but the diet guide from hospital mentioned the black stuff, and heh!... beautiful creamy loveliness!]

The upshot is the balloon has to be deflated, this involves fishing around in the dark for my glasses, creeping off to the bathroom and fiddling with my appliance. And the baby references don't end there - for anyone who has experienced parenthood properly (I'm talking ladies and new men) - the similarities are uncanny: consistency, smell, colour, volume. And like the baby, somehow - no matter how careful - you end up getting it somewhere you don't want to.... and like the new parent - somehow you accept this??!! Once the pressure is relieved - wow front bottom is free! unleashed! back into action. How many parents recall having just sealed that last sticky tape only to find it's time to start all over.

Creeping back to the bedroom, the creak of the door, that slightly loose floorboard is more than enough to re-awaken my wonderful, long suffering, care assistant. She falls asleep pretty quickly, but for me burrp! phuut! pweep! burble! keeps me awake a while longer while I reminisce on those long forgotten nights when Henry and Ben were babes and I used to show up to work like something from the land of the living dead. Now it's Sarah's turn.

I apologise for the somewhat direct nature of tonight's post - which was stimulated in the knowledge that my sensitive natured sister-in-law will be reading for the first time and she wondered if she would get a mention. Hi Jane! thanks for all your support.