Life Exists Outside of Room 4

Mr. T arrives early and diagnoses paralytic ileus - a common aftermath of abdominal surgery. "This is why you are in so much discomfort. We just rest and wait for your gut to start working again" he says. On the plus side, the oxygen, morphine and NG tube is removed (thank f**k) and I feel much less restrained. I still feel sick and utterly exhausted. I am lying on the bed willing a mid-morning sleep to carry me away when Debbie arrives. She is a middle-aged, experienced physio, kind and sensitive. She immediately picks up on how shit I feel and tells me that movement is the key to getting things moving - I don't believe her for a moment and tell her as much; walking seems like aeons away. She responds, a little more curtly, telling me that a positive mind will also help!

Debbie teaches me to do a few pelvic tilts without using my tummy muscles. This is knackering. She  sits on the bed and I rest, while she talks:

"When I left school I had all science grades and went to college to study physiotherapy, further confirming my belief that everything in life could be completely controlled by chemicals and physical forces alone. 25 years on she realised there was something else, another force beyond (but clouded by) the thinking mind - a life force. I can't explain it, but I have hundreds or cases to demonstrate this". She quickly adds: "Of course, you couldn't have this conversation with a doctor. But you do need both, if your consultant were to say 'I haven't seen this before, don't know what to do. I suggest you have a positive attitude'... that wouldn't inspire much confidence.
You are fearful, close to giving up and out of control - the medics control everything you do or consume. You need to take back control and re-establish your confidence.
We will take a walk and you will feel better."

And I did.

I had turned a corner.

Sarah visited. She'd had a tough night, a tough day and hadn't been able to bring herself in earlier in the day. My gloom over the past few days had infected her and she was struggling to see clear sky. We hugged and I was able to tell her that I was going to be ok - another beautiful moment and a junction in my recovery. We decided I was ready for visitors again.

I'm still tired, but feeling positive that things are changing. The sickness was improving and I was allowed to start drinking again - 10mls water each hour!