Baglife (part 2) - A picture casts a thousand t**ds

My ileostomy is temporary -- the surgeon told me so! That phrase should be filed alongside "Just a gentle prick" when the nurse goes intramuscular with that 4" needle.

Just how temporary is temporary? In my case: abdominal surgery to remove my tumour; histology on the tumour and the surrounding jiggly bits; followed by a clean bill of health and then a reversal operation, say 5-7 weeks? That was the plan, but plans don't always work out. Now I am in the middle of aggressive, relatively long term chemotherapy. Delaying the start of urgent treatment seemed unwise at best and potentially risky at worse given that there was already evidence of the cancer spreading to the lymph nodes around the colon, and that the cancer was poorly differentiated (a high grade cancer). An early reversal would have meant delaying the start of chemotherapy by many weeks to allow the operation site to heal since chemotherapy severely impairs the healing process and the body's ability to counter infection.

So I get the keep my tum-bum for an extra 6 months+ (whoopee do!) and I'm hoping to get my arse reinstated as a late birthday present.

If I had known that I would be having a bag for 9 months, I might have given this a little more thought  before surgery. A quick look at my August post: The Day of Reckoning will remind you just how stressful I found the pre-op admission and time leading up to the surgery. What I failed to mention then was that in addition to visits from anaesthetist, consultant and nurse for "bowel prep" and pre-med, I also had a visit from my stoma nurse armed with a black permanent felt pen to mark my abdomen to guide the surgeon. I was completely unprepared for this - imagine going for a boob job with no interest in the result: I had no enthusiasm for stoma surgery; didn't realise that location could be important (I'd never seen or spoke to anyone wearing a bag before); and had bigger fish to fry (the colon resection being a case in point). Consequently, I had given this no previous thought and so was at a loss to answer the stoma nurse's questions with anything other than bewildered, ill-considered, monosyllabic 'yes' and 'no' answers. In retrospect, it would be difficult to do anything else without having considered how a stoma might work, what a bag is, where it might hang and that it might hang around longer than desired. I wish I had!

I ended up with stoma positions marked on both sides of my abdomen (a 2nd option for the surgeon if the preferred right-side didn't work out). Both marks seemed a little high, but wearing a waistline-agnostic surgery gown, I did not realise the consequence of this at the time and questioned no further. It transpires that the natural position for the waistline of my boxers coincides exactly with stoma. I tried wearing my boxers as low as possible, but builders bum just doesn't really work with boxers. I've lost quite a bit of weight since surgery and none of my trousers fit without substantial hauling in on the belt buckle.  Have you noticed how popular hipsters and other trousers with low waistlines are these days? I made this conclusion after finding not one pair in the wardrobe where the belt didn't cut into the stoma. I've retrieved a couple of pairs of chinos from the "slimline Phil archive", a little frayed around the edges but with high waistlines. They are both Racing Green, bought around the time of their mail order launch about 10 years ago. My wife would contend that I am a hoarder and clutter up my life with stuff I no longer need, I would weakly contend that you never know when they might come in useful -- vindicated!! I'm just amazed that they have survived Sarah's secret clear-outs when I am at work. I've bought new trousers (32" high waistlines) and a load of mini briefs which I can wear below the base plate which connects to the infamous bag. Never have I owned such brief, briefs before, but I won't claim they are sexy on account of them being mostly obscured by a bag of sh1t. Ideal clothing would be Ecky Thump style huge trousers, braces and a nappy.

You maybe wondering where is all this leading? Many weeks in the dressing room, experimentation with a whole range of samples from the stoma supplies company and long discussions with stoma nurse have reduced but not resolved the problem of 'accidents'. This causes more anxiety than you might imagine and certainly reduces my desire to get out and about -- there's a certain confidence afforded by being within running distance of ones own bathroom.

More on accidents in part 3.