Hugh Fearnley Whittingstall’s Constipation Cookies

Sarah was working, leaving me with the getting-a-little-ragged-at-the-end-of-their-Christmas-holiday-having-not-been-anywhere-kids.

I’d received a cook book by H-F-W for Christmas and remembered spotting a recipe for 10-minute chocolate chip cookies when flicking through the naughty section (isn't that where everyone starts a good cook book?) Tempers were beginning to flare as the kids got severely miffed with being left to their own company and I realised that creating a big mess in the kitchen would be the perfect ingredient to counter brother bating. After turning down Nick and Fi I would be able to muster the space and strength to pull this off, without running myself ragged.
I pointed Ben at the relevant page in the cook-book and went to assist Henry attempting to light the fire whose cubby skills were being severely tested with wet wood [parent cheat number 127b - "divide and conquer"]. When I returned Ben was diligently following the recipe and enthusiastically stirring a bowl containing a nearly a whole block of butter, a metric ton of sugar and a miniscule quantity of flour -- getting it completely right, very unhealthy cookies! Pointing into the bowl, he said "Dad - what's that green thing?". I quickly retrieved the familiar green/brown loperamide capsule - floating green-end up in the cookie mixture, resolving to relocate my drug store. The mini-shelf above the weigh scales may be perfectly located for that early morning in-your-face reminder, but probably not in keeping with the label   [crap parent failing number 932 - "Keep these medicines away from children"].

Lucy - rest assured the finished results were 100% free of anti-diarrheal drugs. The kids reckon your Mario skills are pretty good for an adult, and I rate your coffee talk pretty highly too.